In-Law Relations

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In the families there are rules that the members have imposed, these are not necessarily consensual or spoken rules, they are implicit rules, rules that are not verbal, but all the members comply with them, from ways of behaving, ways of understanding life, relating, economic areas such as the use of money, debt and consumption, in my family I have seen a saving environment, put each currency in a bank, limit spending such as not eating out in restaurants, not buying very luxurious things, limit going to cinema, buy in cheap food markets, avoid debt as possible, not lend money, only in case of emergency, are rules that have been imposed from the example of my mother as well as stories, stories and comments on different issues , that one as a child was assimilating and putting into practice in his life. Another one of the rules that have been imposed in my home I can summarize just like President Benson said: It allows us to learn and be instructed to correct our mistakes (see D & C 1: 25-26), and that we regret and let us seek restitution to correct sin (see D & C 1: 27-28).

Here are some recommendations on how we can put into practice these principles that have been learned at home:

• Pray in all moments
• Be patient and recognize that family members need time to build resilience since mistakes and failures are opportunities to learn.
• Allow natural and logical consequences to be those that impart discipline.
• Respect the decisions of family members, even when their bad decisions lead them to lose privileges and refrain from recriminating their children for breaking the rules.
• Do not be the cause for them to stop trying because they criticize them severely.
• Instead of praising them for an achievement, encourage and praise the effort made.
• "Praise your children more than they correct them. Praise them for even their smallest achievements "(see President Ezra Taft Benson, 1899-1994," The honorable place of women, "Liahona, April 1982, 76)

These are principles that I have learned in my family when it comes to the upbringing of children, although I have not yet married is what I hope to achieve in my marriage, so it is important to know the rules that exist in couples because they do not indicate which is the most important thing for them, that will avoid many of the fights that could happen. The family extends in marriage, the parents of the husband and the parents of the wife come together to form a relationship, each of them with their realities, customs and rules, must reach a point in balance between the relationship of the two families, it is important to fortify a healthy and friendly relationship, but it is also necessary to generate a family between the spouses with their own customs and rules, establishing a relationship is difficult because it takes time, effort and dedication, but if they want to maintain a healthy and calm environment it is It is necessary to avoid the triangulation that is created when the communication builds a stronger relationship with the father than with the spouse, or excludes the spouse, and must have regular contact and communication with the in-laws also sends messages that couples value their relationship with they. Frequency of contact and communication that does not interfere with each other. being the first in marriage are important steps in establishing relationships with in-laws (James M. Harper and Susanne Frost Olsen, creating healthy ties with in-laws and extended families)

Power Relations

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One of the marital problems that is repeated regardless of the country is the inequality of power between spouses, even up to the relationship of father with children, it must find a conjugal harmony, this is achieved when the couple, living with a love relationship together with actions that reflect it, especially in that the man, that culturally speaking has been he who has always taken the power to make decisions, he must give power to his wife, not to rule only her, but to exist a balanced relationship, as Richard Miller shares "Thus, research constantly finds that happy relationships are more likely to occur in marriages where the couple shares power and has a true partnership."

Now, for the relationship to be stable, it is absolutely necessary that the two persons be such, that is, human persons; and the maturity of the person is achieved through education, the predominance of moral and spiritual values ​​over material, intellectual and, even, cultural.

Moreover, the touchstone of a person's maturity is the ability to seek the good of the other person over personal interests. It can only be called mature (a) who has overcome self-love, caprice and self-sufficiency, to live in function and at the service of the other person. This is true love, a sign of maturity and a guarantee of conjugal stability. These spiritual values ​​must be accompanied by the Holy Ghost which are "the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven can not be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness ... persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, love unfeigned, kindness , and pure knowledge, which will greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile "(D & C 121: 36, 41-42).

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How to cultivate these values ​​in the relationship? When I served on a mission in Lima-Peru, the only way we could have an equal and effective relationship to achieve our goals was to work together through councils, important moments to discuss our achievements, goals and problems, plan the plan to meet to solve the problems and meet our goals, we expressed what we individually learned from our study of the scriptures, we asked for advice and we listened to some criticism, not in order to start a fight, but to avoid future fights, we did not humble ourselves to understand the other and prevent pride from blinding us and finding better ways to solve it. In families it is more important to carry out councils where the couple can dialogue, understand and share their goals, achievements and problems, in a healthy environment, where one partner does not have the power over another, but in an equitable environment, talking about solutions more than problems, cultivate those powers of heaven in our relationship.

Fidelity and Physical Intimacy

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When Jesus Christ was speaking to his disciples he said: Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit aadultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever alooketh on a bwoman to clust after her hath committed dadultery with her already in his heart. (Matthew 5:27-28)

What does this imply in our marriage? Fidelity goes beyond a physical or sexual contact with another person, it is also in the thoughts, in the emotion, all this begins with small activities with other people that we consider innocent, we try to justify them without considering our partner, without considering the agreements what we do when we get married. These activities can be motivated by marriage problems, for example if your partner does not offer time to listen, lack of outside activities, little interest in the things or dreams of a couple, and can find another person who superficially can satisfy these needs, so we should not focus on the negative things of our partner, but their strengths, spend time to get to know each other continuously, be honestly concerned, active listening, activities that are both alone and quality communication.

One of the important things in marriage is sexuality, a unit that can nurture the relationship and satisfaction, but this point is usually the least touched either in the family or education and that helps generate false precepts or definitions , and young people are exposed to pornographic materials on the internet, something that can generate completely wrong ideas about sexuality and its role in marriage, as President Kimball has observed: "The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God -created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes plain that God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. His commandment to the first man and woman to be 'one flesh' was as important as his command to 'be fruitful and multiply.' "(Quoting Billy Graham, Ensign, May 1974, p.7) see it from the individual point, only pleasure or as a negotiation mechanism are erroneous thoughts about sexuality in marriage; the procreation of children is an integral and beautiful aspect of conjugal intimacy, to use it only for that purpose is to deny its great potential as an expression of love, commitment and unity, according to Brent A. Barlow

Seeking to Understand

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Many times we talk about freedom focusing on it as the option to choose, but freedom has more depth and is being responsible and co-responsible for the choices that we decide, not only as an individual, but as a family, the choice of a couple under the agreement of the marriage, is the choice of a particular set of problems, defects and mistakes, is this bad? It would be easy to point out that yes, then we would conclude that marriage is very expensive and it would be better not to choose it, but the reality is deeper than a simple exercise in logic. Why are problems in marriage? We want the marriage to be the "they lived happily ever after", but in reality it is to enter a school where our subject will be ourselves, discover our weaknesses, discover the weaknesses of our partner and make a decision, I approach the problem from the critic , negativity or from charity, and this is the point of the post.

What is charity? This is defined as the pure love of Christ, as explained in his book Goddard "could have a meaning in three dimensions: love for Christ, love from Christ, and love as Christ. Charity is, above all, the redemptive love that Jesus offers us all. It is the love of Christ. He is the model of charity, which never fails "How to apply it to our marriage? Well, charity invites us to love, to have faith, to act and to have hope, invites us to when we have a problem with our partner we recognize our weakness, the failures of the two and instead of responding with criticism, judging, pointing with the finger, respond with charity, patience, repentance, love and understanding. The critique according to Gottman: "All criticism is painful. Unlike complaints, specific requests for change, criticism does not improve marriage. Inevitably it gets worse. "And this comes from two sources: the first of an emotionally insensitive couple and the other source comes from oneself, to achieve change a change of heart is necessary, a change that can initially cost the couple, but necessary undertake this trip, and like any trip it is necessary to have a goal and knowledge of which road to take, this leads us to have a goal as a family, to have clear concepts and to know each other between the couple, and it is necessary to have patterns where they can express in a Clear and sincere as an expression of love as a hug, a kiss, a question about the day, problems or dreams, establish an active listening, a time together, the best way to overcome problems is to talk about the problems in your relationship when they are still minor, and they do not accumulate and impoverish the relationship, you must detect these small problems in time.

Think about how the following scripture applies to marriage.

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Eter: 12: 27).

We are free to choose how we are going to respond to a difficulty, with pride and criticism or with charity

Managing Conflict

According to Gottman, there are two types of problems in a couple: those that can be solved and "perpetual" problems, which are not. To distinguish them, the criterion is relatively simple: those solvable are less painful, intense or heartbreaking than "perpetual" problems. If a problem is solvable or perpetual, what is the underlying key to successfully addressing the conflict? It is easy to get carried away by our feelings and let them bloom, usually they are negative to our partner, we think that our action is justified with the meaning of our words, but we do not measure what our words can mean for our partner, the use of words is very important, like "you never do this", "you always do this", they are hurtful words, accusing and inviting more negativity, the key is not only to understand your partner, but to make your partner understand that you you understand and accept their perspective and personality, when they manifest the problem, but without blaming. Begin your sentences by saying "I", instead of "You". Describe what happens, without evaluating or judging. Be clear, educated and appreciate the other. Do not keep things so that understanding is fluid and reciprocal. We have to understand that even though we are not the ones who initiate a negative and accusatory conversation, it is necessary to be able to conduct our conversation and deliver and receive "attempts to repair", that is, any action or word that diminishes the tension created.

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Be tolerant of the other's mistakes. The commitment is impossible if the other's imperfections are not accepted, and the "Yes only ..." ("If only my partner did this ..." "If only my partner were like this ...", etc.) this commitment has to go further, to be willing to minister to our confused spouse, to be willing to love a fellow who fails us, and as H. Wallace Goddard tells us in his book Drawing Your Marriage in Your Marriage: "We enter marriage expecting our needs to be met, we even decide how they should be met, then, when our partners are unable to meet all of our needs, we become resentful, our distance and resentment are ways. But the message is clear: "You are not a very good spouse. You are a disappointment. Until you make some major changes, I can not really love and appreciate you. "" Being with a partner involves being with your problems, your dreams, aspirations and imperfect, but remember, your partner also has to accept your problems, your dreams, aspirations and imperfections, so we have to put aside our pride, our high expectations and land, see our partner as it is and the hardest thing to see you as you are. Only then can we make our agreement and consecrate ourselves to this sacred covenant, which implies putting aside our pride, offering our partner our time, talent, strength, property, sacrificing worldly things in pursuit of our relationship that is built in an eternal relationship one brick at a time and these bricks are "... by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge, which will greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile "(D & C 121: 41-42).

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Beware of Pride

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I remember some words that Siddhartha Gautama said that "if we assume an attitude of humility, our qualities will grow, while if we are proud we will be prey to jealousy and anger; and we will see others with contempt, so the only thing that we will achieve is that unhappiness reigns "then we need to ask ourselves in our subject about marriage, how can humility in marriage help me? Humility is the recognition that, although our needs are important, so are the needs of others; it is the provision to admit that we do not fully understand the truth; is to open ourselves to the opinions of others; Humility is the willingness to admit that we have made mistakes. It allows us to continue learning and growing.

 If we strive to be humble of heart, then our life experience will change, we can self-evaluate: it is common to be able to observe the faults in other people, be critical of them and know the solution (we can think, why not this or that to solve your problem do?) It is easy to see the mistakes in others, but it is not in ourselves, we tend to be overwhelmed in our problems, we are blind to pride, humility offers us that door to be able to observe our faults and find a solution to our problems. If you think about it, many of the discussions as a couple have an origin in pride, when we find a criticism of our person, instead of evaluating the argument and thinking that maybe it is valid or not, we usually put ourselves in a position of defense and we argue, and we continually try to validate our position, even if it is wrong, but if we were humble we would recognize our faults, we could open ourselves to the experience of our partner.

Selfishness, individualization, jealousy and anger come from pride, Irving Becker observed: "If someone does not like you, the way you hold the spoon will infuriate you; if you like it, you can spill a whole plate on your lap and you will not care. "Sometimes, we do not even notice that we are choosing between feeling angry or calm. Sometimes, we do not recognize that our hearts are hard on some people and soft on others. Although sometimes we try to handle conflicts by avoiding them, arguing them to the point of exhaustion, or living painfully with them, there is a better way. We can address the conflict with our renewed hearts. Instead of resenting the irritation when it occurs, we can choose to see it as an invitation to activate our hearts. We can learn to appreciate music in the lives of others.

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Pride, according to Gottman's research, can also be reflected in the influence of one partner on the other, usually the power relationship between husbands and wives, "Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to share power with his partner there is an 81 percent chance that his marriage will self-destruct. Obviously, it takes two to make or break a marriage, so we're not singling out men here. "This can also be understood in President Benson's words" Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride. Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away. "When we are humble enough to hear another's vision, compassionate enough to want to understand and help, and positive enough to observe the good of the other, our hearts change. We prepare ourselves to have rich and full relationships with all kinds of people.

Staying Emotionally Connected

I remember when I was in school, we had finished classes and all my classmates went on vacation, in my family it is not customary to travel or do large activities so during my vacation I was at home, playing, watching movies, reading; When I returned to school, my teacher asked us each of us to talk about our vacations, a traveling companion to another city to visit, another outside the country, others went to camp, and when it was my turn I had to say with simplicity that I had read books and played, I felt bad, since I was the only one who had not done any big activity, so I was not happy as my companions who had great adventures. In the recess inquiring with my companions about their adventures, it turned out that most had been bored in their activities, I thought that then I had the best vacation because if I had fun, I had been happy, a happiness that could be overshadowed by appearances.

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 Do not think that nothing happens, simply because you do not see your growth ... big things grow in silence, and in family life something similar can happen, we expect great romantic moments that embellish our relationship, epic kisses and motivating phrases, surely accompanied by a background music, although not impossible most of the big scenes like these happen in the movies and we measure those moments with ours, and we long for scenes or characters of such magnitudes, considering ours as routine or even boring, without appreciating the small moments that we passed as a couple, as it says in D & C. 64:33 "Wherefore, be not a woman in bwell-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work And out of csmall things proceedeth that which is great."

Life is definitely what you make of it and sadly, I think you would be hard pressed, in this day and age to find many who were content with their vacation time, whether traveling or not.  You are absolutely right, "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6). What little things? Well, things like paying attention to our partner, a question about their day, sharing a tedious task, a hobby, etc., I have not even continued with the negativity that your partner could say, many times a couple goes to their partner. rude way, because he had a bad day or because he is upset, it will depend on how we respond to what caused the fight or a dialogue, it is difficult to be patient and loving when your partner is criticizing you, When we feel irritated with each other, it is an opportunity to grow. Irritation is an invitation to think and act better. It is about replacing irritation with compassion and charity; replacing the accusation with humility; replacing frustration with the invitation. As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland observed, "Too often too many of us run from the very things that will bless us and save us and soothe us. Too often we see gospel commitments and commands as something to be feared and forsaken. "

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Small acts can put out a fire, appease a beast with gentle movements to gain their confidence and confirm that we are on their side (only as a demonstrative example, not that our partner is comparable to a wild animal). We need to stay connected emotionally, the way it is done with small actions, not with great activities and pompous romantic scenes, a sincere interest, a simple demonstration of love can have more long-term effect, like my vacations, were simple actions, but the knowledge that wins to read this with me despite the years, a vacation can relieve stress, and have good memories, but the bad memory is easy to forget and distort, my point is that we build a building of love, and every brick counts.

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Cherishing Your Spouse

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A phrase used by Buddhists comes to mind: "Everything we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with cunning, pain follows. If he does it with a pure thought, happiness follows him like a shadow that never leaves him. "And this can be complicated when we are talking about marriage, where there are two minds with a configuration, different thoughts that want to spend time together, decide, plan and suffer together now I understand why there are many problems in marriage, you must find a harmony between these two minds, synchronize the same objectives, definition and act, of course that does not mean the disappearance of individuals, but if you build work in This cooperation requires something so essential that it is sacrifice, something so old since the time of Adam and Eve where being the first human beings had to obey the laws of the Gospel without anyone else around them, so human history began with obedience and sacrifice, this can be comparable to our life as a couple, since both are about to embark on a life project, exploring The marital history depends on our willingness to apply the same principles of obedience and sacrifice. The application of these principles to marriage requires inspiration. But what inspiration? In the Bible in Galatians 5: 22-26 it says: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. We live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. "

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Marriage requires us to do more than tolerate the inferior side of each one's qualities, since to tolerate means to support, admit or allow something that does not like or is not approved at all, so we must go one step further. , you should get to know your partner, sounds simple right?, but the evidence that Dr. Gottman found that couples have difficulty maintaining a relationship of continuous discovery, and increasingly immersed in routine and monotony, that two completely unknown people end up, emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other's world. I call this a very detailed love map, what is the advantage of knowing each other continuously, having a very detailed love map? These love maps protected their marriages in the wake of this dramatic upheaval. Because husband and wife were already in the habit of keeping up to date and were intensely aware of what the other was feeling and thinking, they were not thrown off course (Gottman, J. 1999), despite the problems, which will always be present , the couples that have built this love map will be able to overcome the storms, because they will be able to act as a team and not as two individuals who will be lucky to see how they are doing in life. This map of love requires time, regardless of the amount of time since the important thing is quality, to be able to know each other, exchange words of love and for that we need to have a mind in peace, a mind in peace, so that our actions bring happiness , and in marriage there must be two minds in peace, how to do it? Through the love map.

References

Gottman, J.M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Revised). New York: Harmony Books. 

Building a relationship

Protect your family

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Many times we believe that happy marriage, is one that has no conflicts, the number of peels is minimal, but we would be ignoring a great reality, human coexistence is complicated. Peels between marriage are common, but how to prevent conflicts from destroying my marriage? In this post I want to address what Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington, explains in his book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work that to handle conflict in a healthier way is construction in the strongest marriages, the husband and The wife shares a deep sense of meaning. Not only do they "get along", but they also rely on the hopes and aspirations of others and build a sense of purpose in their lives together, and this has deeper benefits than we think, not only build a strong relationship and healthier, but also has an effect on our health, on children and on our self-esteem.

From lds.org

Building a relationship is more than simply feeling in love or knowing the other's routine, it's that your happiness depends on your partner's feelings. They are in tune with the emotions of others, share a permanent empathy and have a high degree of confidence, what could help us to strengthen this confidence? From my point of view and conclusion of the readings, it is first to understand what is the concept of marriage of each member, because it is not enough the result that can offer google or the dictionary, but the very definition of marriage has nailed the feelings of each, the objectives of each couple, to be clear about what my objective is, and what is the objective of my partner, you can elaborate what are the objectives of the marriage, this offers a clearer and wider vision about each person. According to Kyle Benson, in analyzing Dr. Gottman's work, "the difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict. There is a very specific proportion that makes love last. "And this is the most important thing, love is what will last the trust and the relationship.

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As we saw in the previous post, one of the difficulties in marriage is the second wolf that are the own imperfections, this comes to be selfishness, pride, anger, rancor, negativity itself, then how can we free from these emotions that are so deep in us? In the book of Mormon in Mosiah 3:19 it says: "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit , and putteth off the natural man and becometh to saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict Upon him, even as a child submit to his father. "All these attributes are necessary to cultivate a good fulfillment, and to grow as people, we can bring a spirit of reconciliation and kindness. When we insult the dignity of the family members, we create a system of Grudge and resentment. We lose whatever influence we might have had. (PhD H. Wallace Goddard, 2009). To cultivate these feelings we must connect spiritually, be humble to find the guidance of the Lord Jesus Christ, second we must see our partner as a person, not as an object or a title, but recognize their humanity, third recognize our own problems and be aware of our acting and fourth acting as a team, as good friends.

References:

Goddard, H.W. (2007). Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Publishing

The family: contract or convenant

The family: contract or convenant

The reasons why people decide to get married have varied over the years, allowing themselves to be carried away by customs, traditions, fashions, but has there been a reason to get married from the beginning? The reasons will mainly be based on the definition of marriage, if it is by contract or if it is by covenant. The first is a simple legal union between two people, the second is a sacred agreement between the couple. The family is a fundamental unit in any nation, it is a sociological institution, but the most important thing is an agreement that goes beyond time, including our deaths. How can we establish an eternal family? Only through the gospel of Jesus Christ and his covenants can the family be eternal.

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Bruce C. Hafen shared these insights:

Bruce C. Hafen

Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will. Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the “hireling,” who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling “seeth the wolf coming,” he “leaveth the sheep, and fleeth … because he … careth not for the sheep.” By contrast, the Savior said, “I am the good shepherd, and I lay down my life for the sheep.” (John 10:12-15). This concept of the eternal family can have a great impact on our lives, on our thoughts and actions, changes the way we think and see others, the decision to get married leads us to hope and prepare for eternal marriage, as a of the fears that appear when we think about making this decision, is the problems of marriage, fear of divorce, failure, even when the concept of family has changed in the media, we are told that the divorce rate is increasing , that causes us fear, but if we change our thoughts and see marriage as our covenant "... individual learning, our teaching and our testimony both at home and in the church will be magnified as we reflect and understand this truth better." (Elder Bruce C. Hafen, 1996).

To achieve this vision we need to understand what are the real risks in marriage, knowing about them can help us face them, recognize them in time, for Elder Bruce C. Hafen encouraged all families to be able to elevate each other in the face of adversity , affirming that there are 3 great wolves that are lurking in the married life, first wolf is the natural adversity, that although this adversity could come in any circumstances, the difference is that if we have a marriage that is built on collaboration, communication and love, these problems are easier to overcome; the second wolf are the own imperfections, no human being is perfect, then do not expect your partner to be, even more, do not consider yourself perfect, there is no other attribute that demonstrates the strength of a person than humility.

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And the third wolf is the excess of individualism, in our time every aspect of social life is pointing to individualism, from the economy that seeks through consumerism to implement this idea of ​​individualization, in education that teach children to watch over your things, your interests and do not teach basic principles of solidarity and cooperation, although social life inculcates these principles is still your responsibility your actions, you must understand that marriage is a mutual agreement, you must understand that bond of cooperation you have with your couple, you should not see it as an object, remembering a phrase of Mahatma Gandhi "Take care of your thoughts, because they will become your words. Manage your words, because they will become your acts. Direct your actions, because they will become your habits. Take care of your habits, because they will become your destiny. "

We must consider what is my concept of family? As we see the family, in the same way we will act with it.

Reference

Hafen, Bruce C. (Noviembre 1996). Covenant Marriage. Ensign, Nov 1996, 26

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Threats to Marriage

In a general conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints offered advice on how cooperation should be given in groups (referring to the advice given in the church), the points I want to emphasize are the following:

• They should encourage free and open analysis when deliberating, without judging.

• Clear and concise communication.

• Objectives should be analyzed, objectives and matters of mutual interest.

• They must be done with the purpose to strengthen each other.

• Each one's stewardship must be respected.

• The gospel of Jesus Christ should be strengthened among the members (October, 1993, Liahona).

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You may be wondering, why do I mention this with respect to the family? In his speech, President Russell M. Nelson talks about the importance of marriage between a man and a woman under the sacred covenants and affirms that the definition and the logical truths about marriage were granted by our Heavenly Father together with the creation. an important part in God's plan, but why so important? Family life not only serves for convenience or to escape from loneliness, but provides rewards to its members, the couple acts as partners to work together to meet goals, There is great power in a strong partnership. True partners can achieve more than the sum of each performance alone.

These blessings are for those who have fulfilled the word of the Lord, therefore the importance of marriage between man and woman where true intimacy is presented, the union that is enriched with the truth and ennobled with the covenants of marriage and with God , "If our lives and our faith are centered on Jesus Christ and his restored gospel, nothing can go wrong forever. . . . If our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be right. "(Nelson, R. M. August, 2014).

For this reason, I consider that marriage is a sacred association that is strengthened by the complement between man and woman, as Elder Ballard said (Liahona, April 2016):

In this sense, a family is like a neighborhood ... In a similar way, parents need to include all family members to face challenges and adversity. In that way, the power of the family council is put into action. When members of the family council feel they are part of the decision, they offer their support and specific positive results can be achieved.

In this aspect proposals as in the summary of the supreme court Obergefell v. Hodges (2015) where she affirms that the changes between the role of women and the acceptance of same-sex marriage have strengthened the institution of marriage instead of weakening it, together with belittling the gift of procreation as a simple personal choice (2015). , pp 26.). It is also mentioned that the defense of traditional marriage is to perpetuate injustice and intolerance to other groups, but Elder Dallin H. Oaks mentioned: "Tolerance does not require abandoning one's norms or opinions about political policies or public policies. Tolerance is a way of reacting to diversity, not an order to isolate it from the test. " (Jan, 2001). In the article of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he recognizes the role of the traditional family in complementing men and women, to develop a role as a council of protection and support for children, and I quote: "Due to that the issue of same-sex marriage affects the very heart of the family and has the potential to have a great impact on the well-being of children, the Church unequivocally affirms that marriage must remain the legal union of a man and a woman. "(The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).

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As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I consider that the marriage between a man and a woman fulfills a very important function to build a family, it is an organization that complements itself to function as a support group, support, security, strengthening, and Gospel teaching and this was designed from creation, so redefining marriage by logical arguments is not possible.

References:

Ballard. M. R. (Octubre, 1993). Strength in Counsel. Liahona, Octubre 1993. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1993/10/strength-in-counsel?lang=eng&country=nz

Nelson. R. M. (August, 2014). Disciples of Jesus Christ–Defenders of Marriage. BYU Speeches. Referido de: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/russell-m-nelson_disciples-jesus-christ-defenders-of-marriage/

Ballard. M. R. (April, 2016). Family Councils. Liahona, April 2016. Retrieved from: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/family-councils?lang=eng

Jurisdiction: Supreme Court of the United States Date of decision. (26 June 2015) Obergefell et al. v. Hodges, Director, Ohio Department of Health, et al. 576 US (2015) Retrieved from: http://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/14pdf/14-556_3204.pdf

Dallin H. Oaks, “Weightier Matters,” Ensign, Jan. 2001, 17.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Divine Institution of Marriage. Retrieved from: https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/the-divine-institution-of-marriage

MARRIAGE TRENDS

In Ecuador the number of marriages has decreased by 19% between 2006 and 2018, while divorce has increased in the same years 49% according to data from the INEC (data collection institution of Ecuador) also concludes that the average from years of marriage until her divorce is 14 years, while the average age to get married is 32 for men and 29 for women.

According to The State of our unions declares that marriage is a social institution, which is not only a union of a couple, but is more complex as it strengthens cooperation, strengthens children, strengthens communities and overcome social adversities , economic; If this agreement between marriage breaks down and becomes unbalanced it could bring difficulties, not only to the spouses' status, but consequences to children in social and psychological areas, so the problem of divorce is much more serious than it seems. In Ecuador, the reasons why marriages decide to divorce are given by mutual agreement in 62%, reasons whether personal or financial, with 30% of the unjustified abandonment by one of the spouses, and 1.4% for adultery or serious injuries.

In his book The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Wellbeing of the Next Generation by the author Paul R. Amato states that the impact it offers on children, whether it is divorce, cohabitation, single parent families, has a negative effect on children, either in their social behavior in the studies, with their personal life, depression, more violent behavior, low self-esteem, among others is present, this is due to the economic difficulty that arises in a single-parent family, excess of tasks to a father, the decrease in quality of relationship with children.

What Amanto concludes is that families composed of both parents and stable receive a healthier environment, greater intimate relationship, greater cooperative participation, fewer stressful events. What the reality in Ecuador offers me is a tendency towards a single-parent family, due to economic difficulties many of the parents had to leave the country to provide some food for their family, as is my case, I grew up with my family. mother, and despite spending many economic difficulties I never lacked love and strengthening, although my case may present social problems, I only take it as an isolated example that I can confirm in Amanto's conclusions on the consequences that children have in separated families.

The president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Spencer W. Kimball, declared: "... only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the evil that surrounds us." What could we really find on this tape? Well, first we have to understand the reason why people get married, and if people understand the truth through marriage as a sacred covenant between two people, understand the objectives of marriage, they will understand that marriage provides greater possibilities of obtaining Happiness than any other kind of relationship, and if they understand that they will strive to take out all the potential and fight for it even when evil surrounds us.

So, to conclude the marriage is important, that is why it should not be a decision by tradition or custom, but an intimate decision, knowing the difficulties, knowing the other person, more important to oneself, because marriage is not a Simply a personal decision, but a decision that will attract future generations, as Elder Oaks taught. "The couple must learn everything they can about the families with whom they will soon be united in marriage. In all this, we must realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only takes a man and a woman committed to strive together towards perfection. "Divorce is not the solution to the problems of the family, in Ecuador as we already mentioned there are a large percentage of people who divorced for personal or financial reasons, there are reasons to divorce, but the remedy is not divorce but repentance.

For more information:

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