Cherishing Your Spouse

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A phrase used by Buddhists comes to mind: "Everything we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with cunning, pain follows. If he does it with a pure thought, happiness follows him like a shadow that never leaves him. "And this can be complicated when we are talking about marriage, where there are two minds with a configuration, different thoughts that want to spend time together, decide, plan and suffer together now I understand why there are many problems in marriage, you must find a harmony between these two minds, synchronize the same objectives, definition and act, of course that does not mean the disappearance of individuals, but if you build work in This cooperation requires something so essential that it is sacrifice, something so old since the time of Adam and Eve where being the first human beings had to obey the laws of the Gospel without anyone else around them, so human history began with obedience and sacrifice, this can be comparable to our life as a couple, since both are about to embark on a life project, exploring The marital history depends on our willingness to apply the same principles of obedience and sacrifice. The application of these principles to marriage requires inspiration. But what inspiration? In the Bible in Galatians 5: 22-26 it says: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. We live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. "

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Marriage requires us to do more than tolerate the inferior side of each one's qualities, since to tolerate means to support, admit or allow something that does not like or is not approved at all, so we must go one step further. , you should get to know your partner, sounds simple right?, but the evidence that Dr. Gottman found that couples have difficulty maintaining a relationship of continuous discovery, and increasingly immersed in routine and monotony, that two completely unknown people end up, emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other's world. I call this a very detailed love map, what is the advantage of knowing each other continuously, having a very detailed love map? These love maps protected their marriages in the wake of this dramatic upheaval. Because husband and wife were already in the habit of keeping up to date and were intensely aware of what the other was feeling and thinking, they were not thrown off course (Gottman, J. 1999), despite the problems, which will always be present , the couples that have built this love map will be able to overcome the storms, because they will be able to act as a team and not as two individuals who will be lucky to see how they are doing in life. This map of love requires time, regardless of the amount of time since the important thing is quality, to be able to know each other, exchange words of love and for that we need to have a mind in peace, a mind in peace, so that our actions bring happiness , and in marriage there must be two minds in peace, how to do it? Through the love map.

References

Gottman, J.M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Revised). New York: Harmony Books.