Cherishing Your Spouse

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A phrase used by Buddhists comes to mind: "Everything we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with cunning, pain follows. If he does it with a pure thought, happiness follows him like a shadow that never leaves him. "And this can be complicated when we are talking about marriage, where there are two minds with a configuration, different thoughts that want to spend time together, decide, plan and suffer together now I understand why there are many problems in marriage, you must find a harmony between these two minds, synchronize the same objectives, definition and act, of course that does not mean the disappearance of individuals, but if you build work in This cooperation requires something so essential that it is sacrifice, something so old since the time of Adam and Eve where being the first human beings had to obey the laws of the Gospel without anyone else around them, so human history began with obedience and sacrifice, this can be comparable to our life as a couple, since both are about to embark on a life project, exploring The marital history depends on our willingness to apply the same principles of obedience and sacrifice. The application of these principles to marriage requires inspiration. But what inspiration? In the Bible in Galatians 5: 22-26 it says: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. We live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. "

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Marriage requires us to do more than tolerate the inferior side of each one's qualities, since to tolerate means to support, admit or allow something that does not like or is not approved at all, so we must go one step further. , you should get to know your partner, sounds simple right?, but the evidence that Dr. Gottman found that couples have difficulty maintaining a relationship of continuous discovery, and increasingly immersed in routine and monotony, that two completely unknown people end up, emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other's world. I call this a very detailed love map, what is the advantage of knowing each other continuously, having a very detailed love map? These love maps protected their marriages in the wake of this dramatic upheaval. Because husband and wife were already in the habit of keeping up to date and were intensely aware of what the other was feeling and thinking, they were not thrown off course (Gottman, J. 1999), despite the problems, which will always be present , the couples that have built this love map will be able to overcome the storms, because they will be able to act as a team and not as two individuals who will be lucky to see how they are doing in life. This map of love requires time, regardless of the amount of time since the important thing is quality, to be able to know each other, exchange words of love and for that we need to have a mind in peace, a mind in peace, so that our actions bring happiness , and in marriage there must be two minds in peace, how to do it? Through the love map.

References

Gottman, J.M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Revised). New York: Harmony Books. 

Building a relationship

Protect your family

Video from: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Many times we believe that happy marriage, is one that has no conflicts, the number of peels is minimal, but we would be ignoring a great reality, human coexistence is complicated. Peels between marriage are common, but how to prevent conflicts from destroying my marriage? In this post I want to address what Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington, explains in his book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work that to handle conflict in a healthier way is construction in the strongest marriages, the husband and The wife shares a deep sense of meaning. Not only do they "get along", but they also rely on the hopes and aspirations of others and build a sense of purpose in their lives together, and this has deeper benefits than we think, not only build a strong relationship and healthier, but also has an effect on our health, on children and on our self-esteem.

From lds.org

Building a relationship is more than simply feeling in love or knowing the other's routine, it's that your happiness depends on your partner's feelings. They are in tune with the emotions of others, share a permanent empathy and have a high degree of confidence, what could help us to strengthen this confidence? From my point of view and conclusion of the readings, it is first to understand what is the concept of marriage of each member, because it is not enough the result that can offer google or the dictionary, but the very definition of marriage has nailed the feelings of each, the objectives of each couple, to be clear about what my objective is, and what is the objective of my partner, you can elaborate what are the objectives of the marriage, this offers a clearer and wider vision about each person. According to Kyle Benson, in analyzing Dr. Gottman's work, "the difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict. There is a very specific proportion that makes love last. "And this is the most important thing, love is what will last the trust and the relationship.

Click in the picture: video about "Marriage and Family"

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As we saw in the previous post, one of the difficulties in marriage is the second wolf that are the own imperfections, this comes to be selfishness, pride, anger, rancor, negativity itself, then how can we free from these emotions that are so deep in us? In the book of Mormon in Mosiah 3:19 it says: "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit , and putteth off the natural man and becometh to saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict Upon him, even as a child submit to his father. "All these attributes are necessary to cultivate a good fulfillment, and to grow as people, we can bring a spirit of reconciliation and kindness. When we insult the dignity of the family members, we create a system of Grudge and resentment. We lose whatever influence we might have had. (PhD H. Wallace Goddard, 2009). To cultivate these feelings we must connect spiritually, be humble to find the guidance of the Lord Jesus Christ, second we must see our partner as a person, not as an object or a title, but recognize their humanity, third recognize our own problems and be aware of our acting and fourth acting as a team, as good friends.

References:

Goddard, H.W. (2007). Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Publishing

The family: contract or convenant

The family: contract or convenant

The reasons why people decide to get married have varied over the years, allowing themselves to be carried away by customs, traditions, fashions, but has there been a reason to get married from the beginning? The reasons will mainly be based on the definition of marriage, if it is by contract or if it is by covenant. The first is a simple legal union between two people, the second is a sacred agreement between the couple. The family is a fundamental unit in any nation, it is a sociological institution, but the most important thing is an agreement that goes beyond time, including our deaths. How can we establish an eternal family? Only through the gospel of Jesus Christ and his covenants can the family be eternal.

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Bruce C. Hafen shared these insights:

Bruce C. Hafen

Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will. Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the “hireling,” who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling “seeth the wolf coming,” he “leaveth the sheep, and fleeth … because he … careth not for the sheep.” By contrast, the Savior said, “I am the good shepherd, and I lay down my life for the sheep.” (John 10:12-15). This concept of the eternal family can have a great impact on our lives, on our thoughts and actions, changes the way we think and see others, the decision to get married leads us to hope and prepare for eternal marriage, as a of the fears that appear when we think about making this decision, is the problems of marriage, fear of divorce, failure, even when the concept of family has changed in the media, we are told that the divorce rate is increasing , that causes us fear, but if we change our thoughts and see marriage as our covenant "... individual learning, our teaching and our testimony both at home and in the church will be magnified as we reflect and understand this truth better." (Elder Bruce C. Hafen, 1996).

To achieve this vision we need to understand what are the real risks in marriage, knowing about them can help us face them, recognize them in time, for Elder Bruce C. Hafen encouraged all families to be able to elevate each other in the face of adversity , affirming that there are 3 great wolves that are lurking in the married life, first wolf is the natural adversity, that although this adversity could come in any circumstances, the difference is that if we have a marriage that is built on collaboration, communication and love, these problems are easier to overcome; the second wolf are the own imperfections, no human being is perfect, then do not expect your partner to be, even more, do not consider yourself perfect, there is no other attribute that demonstrates the strength of a person than humility.

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And the third wolf is the excess of individualism, in our time every aspect of social life is pointing to individualism, from the economy that seeks through consumerism to implement this idea of ​​individualization, in education that teach children to watch over your things, your interests and do not teach basic principles of solidarity and cooperation, although social life inculcates these principles is still your responsibility your actions, you must understand that marriage is a mutual agreement, you must understand that bond of cooperation you have with your couple, you should not see it as an object, remembering a phrase of Mahatma Gandhi "Take care of your thoughts, because they will become your words. Manage your words, because they will become your acts. Direct your actions, because they will become your habits. Take care of your habits, because they will become your destiny. "

We must consider what is my concept of family? As we see the family, in the same way we will act with it.

Reference

Hafen, Bruce C. (Noviembre 1996). Covenant Marriage. Ensign, Nov 1996, 26

want more information:

https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/worldwide-devotionals/2017/01/love-and-marriage?lang=eng&clang=ase

Threats to Marriage

In a general conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints offered advice on how cooperation should be given in groups (referring to the advice given in the church), the points I want to emphasize are the following:

• They should encourage free and open analysis when deliberating, without judging.

• Clear and concise communication.

• Objectives should be analyzed, objectives and matters of mutual interest.

• They must be done with the purpose to strengthen each other.

• Each one's stewardship must be respected.

• The gospel of Jesus Christ should be strengthened among the members (October, 1993, Liahona).

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You may be wondering, why do I mention this with respect to the family? In his speech, President Russell M. Nelson talks about the importance of marriage between a man and a woman under the sacred covenants and affirms that the definition and the logical truths about marriage were granted by our Heavenly Father together with the creation. an important part in God's plan, but why so important? Family life not only serves for convenience or to escape from loneliness, but provides rewards to its members, the couple acts as partners to work together to meet goals, There is great power in a strong partnership. True partners can achieve more than the sum of each performance alone.

These blessings are for those who have fulfilled the word of the Lord, therefore the importance of marriage between man and woman where true intimacy is presented, the union that is enriched with the truth and ennobled with the covenants of marriage and with God , "If our lives and our faith are centered on Jesus Christ and his restored gospel, nothing can go wrong forever. . . . If our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be right. "(Nelson, R. M. August, 2014).

For this reason, I consider that marriage is a sacred association that is strengthened by the complement between man and woman, as Elder Ballard said (Liahona, April 2016):

In this sense, a family is like a neighborhood ... In a similar way, parents need to include all family members to face challenges and adversity. In that way, the power of the family council is put into action. When members of the family council feel they are part of the decision, they offer their support and specific positive results can be achieved.

In this aspect proposals as in the summary of the supreme court Obergefell v. Hodges (2015) where she affirms that the changes between the role of women and the acceptance of same-sex marriage have strengthened the institution of marriage instead of weakening it, together with belittling the gift of procreation as a simple personal choice (2015). , pp 26.). It is also mentioned that the defense of traditional marriage is to perpetuate injustice and intolerance to other groups, but Elder Dallin H. Oaks mentioned: "Tolerance does not require abandoning one's norms or opinions about political policies or public policies. Tolerance is a way of reacting to diversity, not an order to isolate it from the test. " (Jan, 2001). In the article of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he recognizes the role of the traditional family in complementing men and women, to develop a role as a council of protection and support for children, and I quote: "Due to that the issue of same-sex marriage affects the very heart of the family and has the potential to have a great impact on the well-being of children, the Church unequivocally affirms that marriage must remain the legal union of a man and a woman. "(The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).

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As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I consider that the marriage between a man and a woman fulfills a very important function to build a family, it is an organization that complements itself to function as a support group, support, security, strengthening, and Gospel teaching and this was designed from creation, so redefining marriage by logical arguments is not possible.

References:

Ballard. M. R. (Octubre, 1993). Strength in Counsel. Liahona, Octubre 1993. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1993/10/strength-in-counsel?lang=eng&country=nz

Nelson. R. M. (August, 2014). Disciples of Jesus Christ–Defenders of Marriage. BYU Speeches. Referido de: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/russell-m-nelson_disciples-jesus-christ-defenders-of-marriage/

Ballard. M. R. (April, 2016). Family Councils. Liahona, April 2016. Retrieved from: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/family-councils?lang=eng

Jurisdiction: Supreme Court of the United States Date of decision. (26 June 2015) Obergefell et al. v. Hodges, Director, Ohio Department of Health, et al. 576 US (2015) Retrieved from: http://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/14pdf/14-556_3204.pdf

Dallin H. Oaks, “Weightier Matters,” Ensign, Jan. 2001, 17.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Divine Institution of Marriage. Retrieved from: https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/the-divine-institution-of-marriage

MARRIAGE TRENDS

In Ecuador the number of marriages has decreased by 19% between 2006 and 2018, while divorce has increased in the same years 49% according to data from the INEC (data collection institution of Ecuador) also concludes that the average from years of marriage until her divorce is 14 years, while the average age to get married is 32 for men and 29 for women.

According to The State of our unions declares that marriage is a social institution, which is not only a union of a couple, but is more complex as it strengthens cooperation, strengthens children, strengthens communities and overcome social adversities , economic; If this agreement between marriage breaks down and becomes unbalanced it could bring difficulties, not only to the spouses' status, but consequences to children in social and psychological areas, so the problem of divorce is much more serious than it seems. In Ecuador, the reasons why marriages decide to divorce are given by mutual agreement in 62%, reasons whether personal or financial, with 30% of the unjustified abandonment by one of the spouses, and 1.4% for adultery or serious injuries.

In his book The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Wellbeing of the Next Generation by the author Paul R. Amato states that the impact it offers on children, whether it is divorce, cohabitation, single parent families, has a negative effect on children, either in their social behavior in the studies, with their personal life, depression, more violent behavior, low self-esteem, among others is present, this is due to the economic difficulty that arises in a single-parent family, excess of tasks to a father, the decrease in quality of relationship with children.

What Amanto concludes is that families composed of both parents and stable receive a healthier environment, greater intimate relationship, greater cooperative participation, fewer stressful events. What the reality in Ecuador offers me is a tendency towards a single-parent family, due to economic difficulties many of the parents had to leave the country to provide some food for their family, as is my case, I grew up with my family. mother, and despite spending many economic difficulties I never lacked love and strengthening, although my case may present social problems, I only take it as an isolated example that I can confirm in Amanto's conclusions on the consequences that children have in separated families.

The president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Spencer W. Kimball, declared: "... only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the evil that surrounds us." What could we really find on this tape? Well, first we have to understand the reason why people get married, and if people understand the truth through marriage as a sacred covenant between two people, understand the objectives of marriage, they will understand that marriage provides greater possibilities of obtaining Happiness than any other kind of relationship, and if they understand that they will strive to take out all the potential and fight for it even when evil surrounds us.

So, to conclude the marriage is important, that is why it should not be a decision by tradition or custom, but an intimate decision, knowing the difficulties, knowing the other person, more important to oneself, because marriage is not a Simply a personal decision, but a decision that will attract future generations, as Elder Oaks taught. "The couple must learn everything they can about the families with whom they will soon be united in marriage. In all this, we must realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only takes a man and a woman committed to strive together towards perfection. "Divorce is not the solution to the problems of the family, in Ecuador as we already mentioned there are a large percentage of people who divorced for personal or financial reasons, there are reasons to divorce, but the remedy is not divorce but repentance.

For more information:

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