In-Law Relations

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In the families there are rules that the members have imposed, these are not necessarily consensual or spoken rules, they are implicit rules, rules that are not verbal, but all the members comply with them, from ways of behaving, ways of understanding life, relating, economic areas such as the use of money, debt and consumption, in my family I have seen a saving environment, put each currency in a bank, limit spending such as not eating out in restaurants, not buying very luxurious things, limit going to cinema, buy in cheap food markets, avoid debt as possible, not lend money, only in case of emergency, are rules that have been imposed from the example of my mother as well as stories, stories and comments on different issues , that one as a child was assimilating and putting into practice in his life. Another one of the rules that have been imposed in my home I can summarize just like President Benson said: It allows us to learn and be instructed to correct our mistakes (see D & C 1: 25-26), and that we regret and let us seek restitution to correct sin (see D & C 1: 27-28).

Here are some recommendations on how we can put into practice these principles that have been learned at home:

• Pray in all moments
• Be patient and recognize that family members need time to build resilience since mistakes and failures are opportunities to learn.
• Allow natural and logical consequences to be those that impart discipline.
• Respect the decisions of family members, even when their bad decisions lead them to lose privileges and refrain from recriminating their children for breaking the rules.
• Do not be the cause for them to stop trying because they criticize them severely.
• Instead of praising them for an achievement, encourage and praise the effort made.
• "Praise your children more than they correct them. Praise them for even their smallest achievements "(see President Ezra Taft Benson, 1899-1994," The honorable place of women, "Liahona, April 1982, 76)

These are principles that I have learned in my family when it comes to the upbringing of children, although I have not yet married is what I hope to achieve in my marriage, so it is important to know the rules that exist in couples because they do not indicate which is the most important thing for them, that will avoid many of the fights that could happen. The family extends in marriage, the parents of the husband and the parents of the wife come together to form a relationship, each of them with their realities, customs and rules, must reach a point in balance between the relationship of the two families, it is important to fortify a healthy and friendly relationship, but it is also necessary to generate a family between the spouses with their own customs and rules, establishing a relationship is difficult because it takes time, effort and dedication, but if they want to maintain a healthy and calm environment it is It is necessary to avoid the triangulation that is created when the communication builds a stronger relationship with the father than with the spouse, or excludes the spouse, and must have regular contact and communication with the in-laws also sends messages that couples value their relationship with they. Frequency of contact and communication that does not interfere with each other. being the first in marriage are important steps in establishing relationships with in-laws (James M. Harper and Susanne Frost Olsen, creating healthy ties with in-laws and extended families)

Power Relations

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One of the marital problems that is repeated regardless of the country is the inequality of power between spouses, even up to the relationship of father with children, it must find a conjugal harmony, this is achieved when the couple, living with a love relationship together with actions that reflect it, especially in that the man, that culturally speaking has been he who has always taken the power to make decisions, he must give power to his wife, not to rule only her, but to exist a balanced relationship, as Richard Miller shares "Thus, research constantly finds that happy relationships are more likely to occur in marriages where the couple shares power and has a true partnership."

Now, for the relationship to be stable, it is absolutely necessary that the two persons be such, that is, human persons; and the maturity of the person is achieved through education, the predominance of moral and spiritual values ​​over material, intellectual and, even, cultural.

Moreover, the touchstone of a person's maturity is the ability to seek the good of the other person over personal interests. It can only be called mature (a) who has overcome self-love, caprice and self-sufficiency, to live in function and at the service of the other person. This is true love, a sign of maturity and a guarantee of conjugal stability. These spiritual values ​​must be accompanied by the Holy Ghost which are "the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven can not be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness ... persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, love unfeigned, kindness , and pure knowledge, which will greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile "(D & C 121: 36, 41-42).

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How to cultivate these values ​​in the relationship? When I served on a mission in Lima-Peru, the only way we could have an equal and effective relationship to achieve our goals was to work together through councils, important moments to discuss our achievements, goals and problems, plan the plan to meet to solve the problems and meet our goals, we expressed what we individually learned from our study of the scriptures, we asked for advice and we listened to some criticism, not in order to start a fight, but to avoid future fights, we did not humble ourselves to understand the other and prevent pride from blinding us and finding better ways to solve it. In families it is more important to carry out councils where the couple can dialogue, understand and share their goals, achievements and problems, in a healthy environment, where one partner does not have the power over another, but in an equitable environment, talking about solutions more than problems, cultivate those powers of heaven in our relationship.

Fidelity and Physical Intimacy

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When Jesus Christ was speaking to his disciples he said: Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit aadultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever alooketh on a bwoman to clust after her hath committed dadultery with her already in his heart. (Matthew 5:27-28)

What does this imply in our marriage? Fidelity goes beyond a physical or sexual contact with another person, it is also in the thoughts, in the emotion, all this begins with small activities with other people that we consider innocent, we try to justify them without considering our partner, without considering the agreements what we do when we get married. These activities can be motivated by marriage problems, for example if your partner does not offer time to listen, lack of outside activities, little interest in the things or dreams of a couple, and can find another person who superficially can satisfy these needs, so we should not focus on the negative things of our partner, but their strengths, spend time to get to know each other continuously, be honestly concerned, active listening, activities that are both alone and quality communication.

One of the important things in marriage is sexuality, a unit that can nurture the relationship and satisfaction, but this point is usually the least touched either in the family or education and that helps generate false precepts or definitions , and young people are exposed to pornographic materials on the internet, something that can generate completely wrong ideas about sexuality and its role in marriage, as President Kimball has observed: "The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God -created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes plain that God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. His commandment to the first man and woman to be 'one flesh' was as important as his command to 'be fruitful and multiply.' "(Quoting Billy Graham, Ensign, May 1974, p.7) see it from the individual point, only pleasure or as a negotiation mechanism are erroneous thoughts about sexuality in marriage; the procreation of children is an integral and beautiful aspect of conjugal intimacy, to use it only for that purpose is to deny its great potential as an expression of love, commitment and unity, according to Brent A. Barlow